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Conflict is everywhere! Kids fight. Business professionals try to outmaneuver each other over process and control issues. Political parties battle for influence with their competing ideologies. Nations war over dominance and the control of resources. Families clash over their different values and expectations of each other. Conflict is always present with us and conflict will always be a part of our life. For the business professional, manager, or leader this makes the ability to manage conflict a critical skill.

Conflict resolution is challenging because most individuals generally use one or at most two styles for resolving conflict. The styles they use are generally not based on what is needed for the situation. Rather, it is based on what they have learned in life and found to be effective. This gives them “hit and miss” effectiveness when it comes to conflict resolution. Adding to the confusion is the fact that early management and leadership training supported this view of a preferred conflict resolution style. Some early training stated the best approach for managing conflict was collaboration. Other early management training argued that assertiveness was the best approach for getting organizational results. The truth is there is no one right conflict resolution strategy. The correct strategy to use is the conflict-handling mode that is appropriate for the situation and individuals involved.

This view of a preferred method for conflict resolution is also evident by the fact that conflict is often discussed in one-dimensional, absolute terms. Consider the following quotes that are all true and all different:

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. – Dale Carnegie No pressure, no diamonds. – Mary Case You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist. – Indira Gandhi It is through cooperation, rather than conflict, that your greatest successes will be derived. – Ralph Charell Compromise . . . it is what makes nations great and marriages happy – Ralph Waldo Emerson

These quotes while different describe the different modes for resolving conflict. There are five conflict-handling modes: avoiding; competing; collaborating; accommodating; and compromising. The problem is that no one mode is always the best approach. For example, is avoiding conflict as Dale Carnegie mentions always the best approach? Most understand that this is hardly true. There are some times when individuals have to stand up for their position (competing) for as Mary Case mentions if we do not, we will not get a diamond.

However, there are times when Dale Carnegie is absolutely correct that the best approach is to avoid conflict. For example, when an individual is surrounded by lions, the best option is to find a safe retreat and live another day than take on an unwise fight and die before one’s time. Many a career has been ruined by the business professional, manager, or leader who did not know when to pick his or her battles! Understanding the five conflict-handling modes will make individuals more effective in their interactions in the workplace and in their personal lives.

The five conflict-handling modes are based on the work of Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann. They developed a framework to better understand and manage conflict than these earlier views of conflict. In times of conflict, an individual’s behavior can be measured on two dimensions: how assertive is he or she in fulfilling his own concerns and how cooperative is he or she in working with others to help them satisfy their concerns.

In the competing mode, a business professional is high on assertiveness and low on cooperation. This is a forceful mode for conflict resolution and an individual is seeking to assert his or her will over other people’s concerns. It is Mary Case’s, No pressure, no diamonds. When this mode is overused, the business professional can destroy relationships with others and eventually undermine his or her effectiveness. When it is underused, others can take advantage of the business professional.

In the collaborating mode, a business professional is high on assertiveness and high on cooperation. With this style, she or he is seeking both to satisfy their own concerns and the concerns of others. Rather than fighting to get one’s way, there is equal emphasis on finding a solution that fully meets all concerns. It is Indira Gandhi’s quote: You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist. When it is overused, the business professional can waste time. When it is underused, the business professional can have difficulty gaining cooperation from others.

In the avoiding mode, a business professional is low on assertiveness and low on cooperation. With this style, they disappear from conflict. They both refuse to fight and they refuse to give-in to the will of the other party. It is Dale Carnegie’s quote: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. When it is overused, the business professional can become a non-player in an organization. When it is underused, the business professional can generate unnecessary organizational conflict.

In the compromising mode, a business professional is moderate on assertiveness and on cooperation. It is a middle-ground approach to conflict. With this style, the business professional seeks a give-and-take solution that partially meets all needs. It is Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote: Compromise . . . it is what makes nations great and marriages happy. When it is overused, business professionals can lose sight of the big-picture. When it is underused, business professionals can become unnecessarily rigid.

In the accommodating mode, a business professional is low on assertiveness and high on cooperation. With this style, he or she will satisfy the other party’s concerns and sacrifice or ignore their own concerns. It is Ralph Charell’s quote: It is through cooperation, rather than conflict, that your greatest successes will be derived. When it is overused, the business professional can lose the respect of others. When it is underused, others can view the business professional as being unreasonable.

Conflict is an inevitable part of business, management and leadership—just like it is an inevitable part of life. Conflict itself is not bad, however. Rather, it is how an individual manages conflict that is important. If managed appropriately, conflict not only makes an individual more effective but it can also bring needed change and innovation to an organization. If managed inappropriately, however, conflict can hurt an individual’s career and overall effectiveness. It can also paralyze an organization, ruin working relationships, drive away customers, and result in lost productivity, organizational turnover, and lawsuits.

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is an excellent assessment for business professionals, managers, and leaders to take to assess their own strengths and weaknesses in conflict resolution. It also identifies the situations in which each of the five conflict-handling modes should be used.

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